Would you rather... Dino v. Omelette
Courtest of Jim Real, the Master of Would You Rather:
WOULD YOU RATHER...
Be a crime fighting dinosaur
or
Have free brunch for life?
Discuss. I'll post the answer next week. And yes, there is a correct answer, this is not a subjective excercise.
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WOULD YOU RATHER...
Be a crime fighting dinosaur
or
Have free brunch for life?
Discuss. I'll post the answer next week. And yes, there is a correct answer, this is not a subjective excercise.
Like this post? Click here to subscribe to the blog.
posted by Jesse Thorn at Saturday, March 04, 2006
11 Comments:
This set of choices is deceptive, at first. One one hand, you have a choice that incorporates both dinosaurs (awesome) and crime-fighting (if not awesome, then certainly b'dass.) I'm going to assume that we're talking about standing-on-the-rooftop-alone-and-watching-the-city-about-to-be-freed-from-the-grips-of-corruption type vigilante crime-fighting. Else, the police-style scenario is far less appealing.. even with the visual of "detective dinosaur" (possible sitcom?)
Clearly, upon initial inspection, the awesomeness of dinosaurs and the glamo(u)r of crime-fighting is an immensely appealing option. Likewise, there's no need to mention that the total package of dinosaur crime fighter well outweighs the sum of the parts (in this case, the weight is taken in "awesome units"... or a reasonable facsimile.) A free brunch for life, no matter how well-catered and delicious, seems to lack the punch of the dino-crime-fighter option.
However (I can tell it starting to turn already), I'd argue that the nature of the two choices is what finally puts free brunch ahead. Please don't stop reading out of disgust of my having revealed the choice for which I shall argue. Now, where was I? Right, so the nature of being a crime fighting dinosaur is, at its core, a commitment. I mean, you'd absolutely HAVE to be a crime fighter, and no matter how much you like battling evil-doers, there must be some days or times when you'd prefer to just sit at home and veg, take your sweetie out to a nice fancy brunch, or sit at the bank of a lake, watch the sunset, and eat sunflower seeds that you had purchased from an old, Eastern-European lady-vendor on the street.
I'm not even going to go into the physical limitations of enjoying sunflower seeds as a dinosaur, but I am going to mention the very likely possibility that each of the before mentioned activities being horribly ruined by the needs of people in distress (and your obligation to save them.)
The free brunch, on the other hand, is an opportunity rather than an obligation. There is no way that your life could be any worse off with a free brunch for life (barring poison or somesuch; however, that's outside the scope of this argument.) At the very least, you have the ability to enjoy a free meal every day, if you so chose.
In fact, this can empower a new generation of entrepreneurs. If one is not worried about starving to death (since one is guaranteed a free brunch which will provide enough nourishment to live every day,) it's likely that the risk associated with a venture that could possibly result in one losing all of one's money and eventually starving to death on the side of the street, covered in one's own urines would be lowered enough (to the point where the starvation is no longer a risk) such that... this is such a run-on sentence that I'm just going to have to forcefully end it and resume with a fresh one. The point is, the lowered risk-factor resulting from the free brunch will empower creative risk-taking and possibly push forward both technology and society; therefore, the free brunch is not only the clear choice on an individual level (opportunity vs. commitment), it is also the obvious choice on a sociological level.
In summary, the deep-seeded strengths of free brunch for life greatly outweigh the cosmetic awesomeness of the dino crime-fighter, which is marred by flaws that may not be evident upon initial inspection. My choice is free brunch for life.
That's a trenchant analysis, andrey. I'm not prepared to judge it at this time (and that's Jim's job, anyway), but you bring up some excellent points.
Are we talking Theodore Rex-style crime fighting?
Dinos have such small brains that I highly doubt they would be able to comprehend the selflessness involved in being a crime fighter. What you have instead is a creature who fights crime based purely on an instinctual blood lust. Somebody like that is no doubt a tortured hero, the worst kind.
I would go with the brunch if not only to promote the most underutilized meal of the day.
The most important part of that option is that it's "a free brunch" not just "brunch everyday". Something like the obligation to eat brunch everyday would be hell on Earth, but the ability to pull out the brunch card at anytime is the epitome of luxury.
Old people would love you. You see, old people love brunch. This is especially important to keep in mind when considering that this is "for life". Think about your future, imagine every possible downside to getting old become completely irrelevant due to a daily free brunch.
Every great crimefighter has a hottie. Spider-Man has MJ, Superman has Lois Lane, Batman has Robin, etc. etc. Being cold-blooded, I doubt that I, as a crimefighting dino, could pull Brittany Murphy.
On the other hand, I'd push my mom down a flight of stairs for eggs benedict.
Brunch, easily.
I don't have an essay, but the answer has got to be free brunch.
FYI, the dino is capable of rational thought (just as you are), and is an effective crimefighter in the Batman mold.
People are overanalyzing this problem. The way I see it, everything boils down to one question:
Which comes with melon?
Once you answer that, there's really no question at all.
Someone has got to stick up for the crime fighting dinosaur (CFD) option, so I will.
The pure awesomeness of it has it's own merits. But did anyone ever think that when you save peoples lives, they will probably take you out to brunch? I mean it's the least they could do.
If you're a CFD, you can still have brunch. Maybe even a free one. But if you had free brunches for life you will never, ever, be a CFD. I won't bother to refute the good points made about free brunch for life. It's a compelling offer. But being a crime fighter would be awesome, and being a dinosaur capable of rational thought would be even cooler. To combine the two would be better than any meal for life situation.
Gotta agree with Anonymous. If you're a crime-fighting dinosaur, you can always get free brunches. Just go up to the buffet and help yourself. Who's gonna stop you, some human? Anybody who tries becomes an appetizer.
Also, if you're a dinosaur, you're not as likely to be too discerning about the quality of the brunch. You don't have to worry about if the bagels are New York-quality, the melon is in season, or how long the coffee has been sitting out.
But then again, I'm sure this has to be a trick question, so the answer is probably free brunch.
This is not a trick question.
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