Judge John Hodgman

Bullseye's Judge John Hodgman Special

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Show: 
Bullseye

This week Bullseye with Jesse Thorn breaks format to bring you something from another great show on the Maximum Fun Network.


Judge John Hodgman

If you know John Hodgman , it's probably as The Deranged Millionaire on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, his appearances on Red Oaks or maybe from his books of world knowledge. Or, maybe, as the PC from the Mac vs. PC ads. What you might not know is that he's also a fake judge on the internet.

On Judge John Hodgman, he hears disputes from real people all over the world via Skype and tells them who's right and who's wrong. Jesse Thorn is the bailiff. The two cases you’ll be hearing are slightly truncated versions. If you want to hear the full versions, click below.

Grand Theft Risotto

Mike brings the case against his mom, Maribeth. He says Maribeth knowingly took her daughter-in-law's recipes for a family cookbook and passed them off as her own. Maribeth says that the attribution was implied and there was no wrongdoing.

Assault and Hey Batter Battery

Naomi files suit against her husband, Spencer. She’s embarrassed by his loud and incessant heckling at baseball games. She’s frustrated that Spencer continues heckling at baseball games despite his promises that he’ll stop.

If you liked what you heard today, there are over 250 episodes of Judge John Hodgman ready and waiting for you, and a new one added each week! Click here to subscribe to the podcast in iTunes, or look for it in your favorite podcatcher.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 294: Live From Brooklyn, NY 2016

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Guests: 
PitchBlak Brass Band

Caution: There are unbleeped swear words that happen during the musical portions of this episode. If you are listening with kids, keep that in mind.

"Shut Your Drawer Hole" and "The Most Important Trial of the Day," taped in front of a live audience at one of two shows recorded at the Bell House in Brooklyn, NY on September 19, 2016 during the Tour of Live Justice! Plus, Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn catch up with Jenny and Erin from Episode 186: The Commune-ish Manifesto and songs from PitchBlak Brass Band!

You can still sign up for the Judge John Hodgman's Justice Through the Ages T-Shirt subscription! You have until Friday 1/6/17 to get your hands on those tees designed by the wonderful Adam Koford, Tamara Shopsin, Tom Deja, Yellowhammer Creative of Birmingham, AL, Peter Good, Aaron Draplin, Kyle Sauter, Sam Potts and Divya Srivinasan!

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to MaxFunCon and MaxFunCon East before they run out!

EVIDENCE

Here are some photos submitted as evidence in the dispute, "Shut Your Drawer Hole!"

Thank you to Sarahjane Dube and Teddy Hose for suggesting this week's titles! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 293: Woodsy Bob Newhart

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Guests: 
Nick Offerman

This week, Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn clear the docket with the help of Deputy Judge Nick Offerman! The Judge, Bailiff and Deputy Judge rule on cocktail drinking etiquette, mail protocol and more! Plus some listener letters regarding previous episodes.

Nick's newest book, Good Clean Fun: Misadventures in Sawdust at Offerman Woodshop, is available wherever books are sold. His latest movie, The Founder, opens nationwide on January 20th.

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 292: Conifer Emptor

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Michael brings the case against his husband, Matthew. For the last several years, the two of them have used an artificial Christmas tree during the holiday season. Matthew prefers live trees and would like to introduce one to their home but Michael is strongly against the idea. Who’s right, who’s wrong?

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

EVIDENCE

SUBMITTED BY MICHAEL:

1. “Real Christmas trees constitutes a much more substantial fire risk. So much so that the City of Honolulu, in adopting national fire protection policies, has banned the use of real trees in public places.” More info on that can be found here.

2. A Christmas tree safety flyer, linked from the FEMA webpage.
Michael says, “To the extent that the fire risks of a real tree can be mitigated, it’s by watering them every day (which we won’t be able to do, given that we’ll be out of state). It stands to reason that the importance of watering the tree daily to keep it from drying out similarly applies to aesthetic and housekeeping concerns.”

3. Michael says, "Even if we were able to keep the tree watered, both the tree water and the tree itself would be a danger to our cats," according to Are Christmas Trees Safe For Cats?. Here is the relevant excerpt:
"Live, cut Christmas trees can be deadly for cats. Pine needles can be ingested and puncture intestines, and pine is highly toxic to cats, potentially causing liver damage and death. Additionally, the water that cut trees are placed into is toxic. It usually contains pine resin, preservatives and fire retardants.”

"This is further attested by PetMd":
"There are other dangers to consider with the good ol' Yule tree other than lights and ornaments. The oils produced by fir trees can be irritating to a pet's mouth and stomach, causing excessive vomiting or drooling. The tree needles, meanwhile, may cause gastrointestinal irritation, obstruction and puncture. Additionally, the water used to nourish Christmas trees can be noxious. Bacteria, molds, and fertilizers can cause your pet to become extremely sick with only a few laps.”

"Both of our cats are extremely fascinated with water and like to play with it. I’ve attached a video of them proving as much. It’s worth noting that the waterer pictured is one that we settled on after they splashed about in a more open one and knocked over multiple times one that stores water in a tank above."

4. "Artificial trees are actually more traditional than live ones," according to this article:
"In fact, the first written records of Christmas trees being used in what would become the United States date back to the 1740s. The children of German settlers in Pennsylvania decorated wooden pyramids with evergreen branches and affixed candles to the branches. The first Christmas trees in America were, in fact, artificial.”

5. "Artificial trees are more environmentally friendly, or, at least are not significantly worse for the environment." More here:
“If the artificial tree is kept more than 4 years, the Global Warming Potential associated with the artificial tree is less than a natural tree purchased every year for more than 4 years. The impact of the tree life cycle, for all scenarios, is less than 0.1% of a person’s annual carbon footprint and therefore is negligible within the context of the average American’s lifestyle.”

6. "The City of Boston gives us two opportunities to dispose of a real tree: January 3rd and January 10th." -- Boston's Trash Day Schedule.

SUBMITTED BY MATTHEW:

1. “The majority of real Christmas trees come from managed plantations, supporting hundreds of thousands of acres of trees being continuously planted, cut down, and replenished, on farmland that may not support other forms of agriculture.” 2012 Census of Agriculture data on Cut Christmas Trees: 2012 and 2007

2. “Real Christmas trees can be recycled after they are used, and as such can be given a new life, in a variety of ways, either as mulch, erosion barriers, or even to recreate sand dunes, as in NJ, our home state, after Hurricane Sandy. Boston also runs a recycling program for the first two weeks of January.”
Info on tree recycling can be found here and here.

3. “Further, it seems that a real tree may be necessary for the celebration of Christmas.
Judge John Hodgman has previously ruled on this matter: ‘Well, I hate to break it to you Peter, but the thirty Christmases you’ve so called celebrated, while using a fake tree, do not count as Christmas, in fact you have never celebrated Christmas, because a fake tree just will not cut it. The whole point is to bring nature into your home particularly an evergreen… and you need to have that actual tree there, staring at you, throughout the dark winter period, to give you hope to go on, and then you have to slowly kill it to give you strength to move on into the next year.’” (Judge John HodgmanEpisode 8 To Tree or Not to Tree)

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Thank you to Rob Calabrese for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 291: First Whirlpool Problems

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Courtney brings the case against her husband, Josh. They want to get a hot tub for their home but cannot agree on which type to buy. Josh wants a charming, wood fired cedar tub. Courtney wants a more practical standard fiberglass tub. Who’s right, who’s wrong?

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

EVIDENCE

Here are some photos submitted as evidence in this dispute:

Thank you to Anne Mandola Jones for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 289: Live From Boston, MA 2016

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Guests: 
Juliana Hatfield
Guests: 
Ken Reid

"Sole Custody" and "Law and Gag Order," taped in front of a live audience in Boston, MA on September 18, 2016 during the Tour of Live Justice! Plus, Swift Justice, Expert Witness Ken Reid of TV Guidance Counselor and songs from Juliana Hatfield!

EVIDENCE

Click here to check out Heena's Powerpoint presentation from "Law and Gag Order!"

Here are some photos taken by Zac Wolf and follow up photos from the Swift Justice case between running siblings Lisa and Andy:

Thank you to Stephen Coughlin and Michael Toscano for suggesting this week's titles! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 257: Jesse Finds a Crux

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Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn clear out the docket on free refills, open mics (or is it open MIKES?), canoe weekends and what to do if your friend recommends a book he hasn't actually read.

MaxFunCon East tickets on sale NOW! Join us over Labor Day for an all-inclusive weekend of live comedy, podcasts, music, and educational sessions.

And if you live in Los Angeles, tickets are also one sale to see Judge Hodgman perform his one man show, VACATIONLAND at the Largo on Thursday June 9th!

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 251: Wrecks Libris

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Guests: 
Monte Belmonte

Jeanna files suit against her husband Craig. She insists that Craig mishandles books, by dogearing the pages and using them as doorstops around the house. Craig says he loves books and treats them appropriately. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one man can decide.

Thanks to Alex Overall for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

VIEW THE EVIDENCE
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Judge John Hodgman Episode 250: Phone of Contention

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Allessandria brings the case against her husband Kevin. Kevin is a stay at home dad and has a cell phone, but is selective about when he chooses to use it. Al wants him to pick up when she rings. Kevin says he gets back to her in due time. Who's right? Who's wrong?

Thanks to Craig Eliason for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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EVIDENCE

Submitted by Allessandria

Evidence Part 1

Evidence Part 2

Judge John Hodgman Episode 246: Miami Memories

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Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse address airplane etiquette, the importance of Hamilton, swear words and more! There's no explicit content in this one, but you may not want kids listening to it all the same.

If you're looking for the hotel mentioned in this week's show, it is the Mayfair Hotel in Miami!

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