Have your pressing issues decided by Famous Minor Television Personality John Hodgman, Certified Judge. If you have a dispute with friends, family, co-workers, lovers, dog-walkers, or some other person(s) with whom you regularly interact, please read the GUIDELINES below and then submit your dispute as directed to email@example.com
A special welcome if you have arrived here via a link from the New York Times Magazine! You can find past episodes of the podcast version of Judge John Hodgman here for browsing, or submit your own case for adjudication below. If you would like to submit a dispute specifically for consideration in the NYT, please feel free to ignore the below considerations regarding Skype, but please DO keep your dispute brief and to the point. Thank you!
MANY A PETITIONER ASKS:
“JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN, what do you look for when you choose which disputes you will settle in a BINDING, QUASI-LEGAL MANNER ON A PODCAST?”
- The dispute should exist in the real world; it should not be hypothetical. We do welcome occasional philosophical disputes as they interest the Judge.
- The court does not merely seek to tell you that you are WRONG. It also wishes to dispense JUSTICE, so please note whether you desire the Judge to issue an INJUNCTION (“You may not run the Iron Man Triathlon, even though it will make every jock on the internet hate me”), an ORDER (“You must put a holiday SADNESS TREE in your shed”) or award DAMAGES (“Even though you live in Portland, you have to pay your friend actual money and give that person an actual, sincere hug”).
- Trials are conducted as an audio Skype call; thus each disputant should have access to a computer with Skype, ideally with a headset or their own external microphone and headphones.
Please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with your name, contact information and a description of your dispute. We read every entry and will be in touch if your case can be heard on the podcast or addressed in the New York Times Magazine.