Judge John Hodgman Episode 54: Die Flederhaus

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Brothers Adam and Noah share a home bought out of foreclosure. They are slowly fixing up the house together and the rent is cheap, but it comes at a cost: bats! The webbed-winged creatures seem to be entering the house through the cracks in the unfinished roof of the bathroom. Animal-lover Noah is spooked by their presence, but would rather keep the bats confined to the bathroom than see them come to harm. His brother Adam meanwhile has a lust for blood matched only by vampire bats, and would like his brother to join him in beating them to death.

Should the brothers run in fear, or face their phobias head-on? And just what is the solution to this flying mammal mess? In this battle of the bats, only one man has the answers: Judge John Hodgman!

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EVIDENCE

Filed by Noah: "These photos show the condition of the bathroom as well as the bat-proofing on the door. I believe the bats are coming from that corner area above the towel and next to the door."

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Comments

Inexcusable Ignorance, dammit

OK, apparently the Court does not appreciate a genus of mammal that deserves to be elevated in the Law Books. The bat is the most populous of mammals on Earth, and is an amazing animal to behold if it's not dive-bombing you and if you are wearing thick leather gloves. Were the Judge and Bailiff better prepared for this case, they would have suggested that Noah and Adam consult with the local Department of Conservation or University's Biology department. Certainly there some one would have advised them on proper (and perhaps inexpensive) methods to clear Chez Chioptera of its unwelcome tenants.

Just as it should really be 'bases-ball'...

...that were better expressed as 'bats-infested'.