Judge John Hodgman

Have your pressing issues decided by Famous Minor Television Personality John Hodgman, Certified Judge. If you'd like John Hodgman to solve your pressing issue, please contact us HERE.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 43: Triple Word Scorn

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Jesse and Jessica are used to squaring off against one another when they play online word games on their smartphones. In this episode of Judge John Hodgman their rivalry spills into the courtroom as they litigate their literary license. Please use JUSTICE in a sentence!

A few months ago, Jessica made a last ditch effort to play her turn and plugged in a few letters. Surprisingly, the game accepted and points were awarded.

Jesse felt that without full knowledge of the word's spelling or its meaning, simply plugging in letters at random is "spamming" and therefore cheating.

Jessica ascertains that any word accepted by the game and not ill-gotten through outside help is perfectly legal and that "letter crunching" is just a way to play in the brave new world of on-line gaming.

Who's playing fair game, who's making it up and where CAN I play this Q? Only one man can decide, Justice of the Game-Piece, Judge John Hodgman.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 42: Driving Miss Drowsy

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Austin brings the case against his good friend Ethan. A year ago, they drove cross-country from Santa Cruz, California to Brooklyn, New York. Austin says that during the trip, he experienced "car lag," a variant form of jetlag. Ethan says the very idea is absurd. The argument has driven a wedge into their friendship.

Is car lag real? Only one man can decide.

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John Hodgman: On Tour

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Here's a little taste of the Hodg on tour, courtesy of our friend Adam Pranica.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 41: Out of REC-order

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DVR WARS! Anthony brings this case against his good friend Joseph. Their issue arose when Anthony asked Joseph to record a reality TV cooking program for him. Joseph has an extensive cable TV package with digital video recording service, while Anthony has a much more basic set of channels and no DVR. Anthony has asked his friend to record multiple shows for him, but never consistently comes over to watch them. The shows sit on the DVR, taking up space and annoying Joseph.

Is Anthony obligated to watch the shows after he's requested them?

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John Hodgman's final book of trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, is now available in bookstores (that are still around) and online retailers. To find out when he may be visiting a city near you, see Areas of My Expertise.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 40: The Abuse of Flower Power

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Julienne and Emily are neighbors, co-workers and romantically involved. They both have a live/work spaces set in urban surroundings that needed a little touch of flora.

Julienne wants to add the Mexican Daisy which she prefers because of its scent and simple beauty. Emily, not fond of the daisy or its odor at all, has refused to come over to Julienne's if the daisy is planted.

Will Julienne need to create a daisy-free habitat? Will Emily have to wake up and smell the flowers? It's the war of the roses that only one man can decide!

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John Hodgman's new book of fake trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, is now available in bookstores (that are still around) and online retailers. To find out when he may be visiting a city near you, see Areas of My Expertise.

Finally: Someone is Taking On the 99%

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Finally, someone is brave enough to take on the 99%, and it is our own Deranged Millionaire, Mr. John Hodgman.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 39: Slash-Friction

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While Bryan was compiling a comprehensive list of the top 100 horror movies the issue arose of what shared characteristics all the movies in the genre must have.

Bryan says that the content is king and what matters most is what takes place with the characters themselves. His friend Jay, whose help was enlisted for the compilation, maintains that it’s the director’s intent for audience reaction that holds sway.

Who will be tricked and who gets treated on this thriller of a case for Judge John Hodgman!

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John Hodgman's new book of fake trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, can now be pre-ordered for its release on 11/1/11. To find out when he may be visiting a city near you, see Areas of My Expertise.

THE MOST IMPORTANT VIDEO

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This important video was directed by Tom Scharpling on behalf of our friend, Mr. John Hodgman. It concerns the lifestyle of a DERANGED MILLIONAIRE. Featured in this video are Vernon Reid of Living Colour, Brooke Shields, ?uestlove and OTHER MAJOR CELEBRITIES.

It is your duty to WATCH the video, and to VOTE FUNNY the video. It is an easy duty to fulfill, as the video is TREMENDOUS. Then, simply order Hodgman's final book in his trilogy of all world knowledge, THAT IS ALL.

Also: Dick Cavett behaves boorishly.

Canadian House of Pizza & Garbage Jingle

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On this week's episode of Judge John Hodgman, The Pizza Pauper, our litigants discussed the very unusual restaurant chain The Canadian House of Pizza & Garbage.

Listener Eric Schumiller started thinking about some cassettes he'd seen on in a shoebox on his neighbors curb. He ran out, grabbed them, and ran to his cassette deck. He found just what he thought he'd remembered seeing - the circa 1980s jingle for CHoPaG.

He generously digitized it for us, and you can hear it above or download it here.

Lyrics below:

Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage,
A place of convenience and value for all.
Maison Canadienne de la Pizza et les Ordures,
Un lieu de commodité et de valeur pour tous le monde.

[spoken]: At Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage, turn garbage into gold! So don't refuse our refuse, or deny our detritus. Only $5 for a pop and a slice, or maybe much, MUCH more!

Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage,
Ontario's stripmall paradise.
Abandon your pride, and come inside,
You might find a motorcycle under your slice...under your slice!