Have your pressing issues decided by Famous Minor Television Personality John Hodgman, Certified Judge. If you'd like John Hodgman to solve your pressing issue, please contact us HERE.
In celebration of the world not ending, John Hodgman is taking time to step away from the judicial bench to visit a variety of states, including Oregon (nickname: "The Big Beaver Furrier's Dreamland"), California (motto: "Do Not Fear Our Giant Prehistoric Trees") and Massachusetts (which is actually a commonwealth).*
You can purchase tickets for any of these appearances through his website.
Dates and Cities
-March 7: Portland, OR
-March 8: Eugene, OR
-March 10: Northampton, MA
-April 20: St. Mary's City, MD
-May 3: Alexandria, VA
-May 4: Hartford, CT
-May 29: San Francisco, CA
-June 21 to June 23: North Adams, MA (Solid Sound Festival)
-June 22: also North Adams, MA (MASS MoCA)
Bring your minds. There is COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE to be learned.
*All state information from The Areas of My Expertise, which you have, of course, completely assimilated the contents of by now.
This week, our episode is live at Marines Memorial Theater from SF Sketchfest!
Brianne, a dog trainer, owns a small poodle named Shilo. She likes to take Shilo everywhere – the bus, classes at SF State, even restaurants. But this annoys her boyfriend, Zach, who thinks that Shilo's constant company is annoying, saying that it's representative of Brianne's attitude that the rules don't apply to her. Does Shilo need a shorter leash? Only Judge John Hodgman can decide.
We're also joined by past expert witness JOHN DARNIELLE of The Mountain Goats for a truly special musical set.
Andrea brings the case against her friend Joe. Joe has adopted a minimalist lifestyle, and has vowed not to own more than a single car-load's worth of belongings. Andrea thinks he's shunned material possessions to an extreme degree and should acquire some creature comforts. Who is right, and who is wrong? Only one man can decide.
Special thanks to Jon Ahjudah Barr for suggesting this title.
Dimitri brings this week's case against his boyfriend, Landon. Whenever the two of them go out to eat at their neighborhood diner, Dimitri wants Landon to sit next to him, leaving the other side of the booth empty. Landon isn't terribly enthusiastic about this, telling Dimitri that it's a little too lovey-dovey for his liking. Will Landon have to take Dimitri's side? Only Judge John Hodgman can decide.
Special thanks to Paul Ruh for suggesting this title.
Kim brings a case against her husband, Chris. Kim has owned a parrot, Kobe, for a little over twenty years. The problem: Chris works at home and Kobe's constant squawking is driving him crazy. Kobe isn't too keen about Chris, either; Kim says that the parrot hates both her husband and their 12-year-old son. Are Kim and her family going too far to accommodate Kobe, or is it time for Kobe to (metaphorically) spread his wings and fly? Judge John Hodgman decides.
Special thanks to Jaron James, who suggested a variation of this title.
This week, Nick has a bone to pick with his wife, Sara. Nick admits he has an interest in the macabre, which has led him to consider collecting taxidermied animals, their skeletons, and (possibly) a human skull. Though Sara is willing to let one or two preserved animals lie around the house, she's horrified by the prospect of Nick collecting any more, nor is she terribly enthused about the prospect of sharing their home with what was once a human head. Will Nick's new hobby flourish, or will Sara have it laid to rest? Judge John Hodgman decides.
John Roderick from The Long Winters lends the court his expert testimony. John's most recent album is One Christmas At a Time, a holiday collaboration with Jonathan Coulton. For more signature John Roderick insight, you can tune in to his weekly podcast with Merlin Mann, Roderick on the Line.
Elizabeth brings this week's case against her husband Eric. Elizabeth and Eric make a living performing together; Elizabeth is a visual artist who paints on stage while Eric, a singer-songwriter, performs original songs. At the core of their dispute is a question of propriety -- Elizabeth objects to the use of swear words in Eric's songs as children occasionally attend their performances. Also, Elizabeth is intrigued and inspired by artists who see avoiding profanity in their work as a challenge. Eric, on the other hand, believes there is a place in art for profanity if its use helps the artist get a point across. Who is right? Judge John Hodgman decides.
John Roderick from The Long Winters lends the court his songwriting experience this week as an expert witness. John's most recent album is One Christmas At a Time, a holiday collaboration with Jonathan Coulton. For more signature John Roderick insight, you can tune in to his weekly podcast with Merlin Mann, Roderick on the Line.
Special thanks to Frank McGeough for suggesting this title.
Brad brings this week's case against his wife Kyra. Brad and Kyra's 20-month-old son Winslow's hair has never been cut, and Kyra believes it's time to take the plunge. She claims his long hair gets in his face and the practical response is to trim it. Brad thinks his son's long hair sets him apart from other boys his age and would like to keep it untrimmed until Winslow turns 3. Brad also has a sentimental reason for keeping Winslow's hair long: he'd like to recreate a long lost photo taken of himself as a youngster with long hair. Do the ends justify the means, or should this toddler get a trim? Judge John Hodgman decides.
Special thanks to Nathan Seltzer for suggesting this title.
Come witness Judge John Hodgman mete out justice LIVE at the SF Sketchfest! Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse will be performing at the Marines' Memorial Theatre on Friday, January 25 at 10:30 PM.
We'll have live music from VERY SPECIAL GUEST John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats, too!
Don't delay -- buy your tickets here!
If you live in the San Fransisco area, have a case that needs arbitrating, and want to see it decided LIVE ON STAGE, submit it to maximumfun.org/jjho. Be sure to note you're local to San Francisco!
Ben brings this week's case against his girlfriend Sara. Ben and Sara work at the same firm, and they have been dating for three months. Both agree the relationship is going well, but one small detail stands in the way of total domestic bliss -- their relationship remains a secret among their work friends. Ben wants to share the news with their co-workers, claiming he is proud of their relationship and doesn't want to hide it anymore. Sara believes their professionalism may be called into question. She further claims the secretive nature of their romance adds elements of fun and excitement. Should Ben and Sara keep their romance under wraps? Or is it time to lay it all out on the table? Judge John Hodgman decides.
Special thanks to guest bailiff Scott Adsit for keeping order in the court this week. He can be seen on NBC's 30 Rock on Thursday nights or on stage with fellow 30 Rock actor John Lutz in the UCB New York show John and Scott. Scott also has an Off-Broadway improv show in the works called Stolen House.
Special thanks to Scott Nicolson and Angie Robertson for both suggesting this title.