The Onion

The Ecstasy of Defeat: Sports Reporting at Its Finest by the Editors of the Onion

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Do yourself a favor. The moment you grab a copy of the new The Ecstasy of Defeat: Sports Reporting at Its Finest by the Editors of the Onion – a collection of the best articles Onion Sports has to offer – flip immediately to the Forward, and then the Acknowledgements.

You’ll have plenty of time for fantastic Onion Sports pieces like “Brett Favre Demands Trade to 1996 Packers,” and “Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball” – just make sure you stretch out first with the Forward by Anabolic Steroids. Follow the exhilarating journey of this little performance-enhancer as it conquers the World Series, horse races and little league championships. “They say my time has come and gone, a brief violent explosion of human potential and shattered records, of strained connective tissue and ever-thicker necks, of towering home runs and unstoppable defense linemen,” explains Steroids. “Not a bad career for a simple synthetic hormone with relatively humble aspirations.”

The Ecstasy of Defeat is the first book presented by Onion Sports – and it has been a long time coming explains head writer and associate editor, Seth Reiss. “We’ve been working hard at it for a while,” Reiss says. “And it’s kind of cool to see the content that the editors like – and want to put in – all in one package.”

Reiss actually got his start at The Onion as a writer for Onion Sports. Now, aside from editing riffs on current events, Reiss contributes to McSweeney's, and performs in his sketch comedy group Pangea 3000. (FYI, Pangea 3000 are Sound of Young America alums and Reiss is a loyal donor). As far as The Ecstasy of Defeat goes, Reiss has few qualms about kicking the pedestal out from under major sports figures. “They’re so larger than life that it’s already so silly anyway, so its kind of funny to just bring them down a little bit,” Reiss says. “Even if a sports figure is known for being really nice, it’s funny to make him do really awful things.”

Reiss says he is a sports fan, “[b]ut I feel like my in-depth knowledge ends at about 1998.” Reiss grew up in Connellsville, Pennsylvania – a sports heavy environment just 45 minutes south of Pittsburgh – where football, hockey and high school wrestling were all huge. When asked if he was ever an athlete, Reiss answers, “I played basketball in 9th grade, and I played golf throughout high school, but overall no,” he says with a laugh.

Speaking of back home – Reiss contemplates what Ecstasy of Defeat story his mom might like best, or rather, what he might show off to convince mom her son is a funny human being. Reiss settles on “Kobe Bryant Scores 25 In Holy Shit We Elected A Black President” and maybe “Mr. Met Having Trouble Sleeping in New Home.” With Dad? “It’s even worse – he thinks I’m less funny than my mom,” Reiss says. “Anything that has to do with Pittsburgh or the Steelers he’ll probably like.” Reiss decides upon “Michael Vick Fails To Inspire Team With ‘Great’ Dogfighting Story.”

The sports world is always a whirring beehive of events and scandals, and now Ecstasy of Defeat has been added to the mix. “People are so passionate about their teams and their favorite players that it really is always a good time for sports,” Reiss says. “Because to some people sports is one of the most important things in the world.”

Well said.

This review and interview was created by intrepid MaxFun reporter Lauren Cusimano.

Culture: AV Club Picks Fall TV on The Sound of Young America

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Show: 
Bullseye
Guests: 
Todd VanDerWerff
Guests: 
Erik Adams

The Fall TV season is fully underway and although there have been a few misses there's no shortage of good if not great programming. The Onion's AV Club TV Editor Todd VanDerWerff and Assistant Editor Erik Adams give the run down.

  • Homeland-Sundays on Showtime 10PM ET/PT:A CIA drama with a female anti-hero, chronicles the often wonky politics of working for the CIA.
  • 2 Broke Girls-Mondays on CBS 8:30/7:30c: Two girls in their twenties sitcom, different backgrounds collide while working at the same restaurant.
  • American Horror Story-Wednesdays on FX 10/9c: Family moves into a haunted house. From the creators of Glee.
  • Up All Night-Wednesdays on NBC 8/7c: New parents work out the kinks while Will Arnett's character is a stay at home dad. Also starring Maya Rudolph.
  • The New Girl - Tuesdays on FOX 9/8c: Zooey Deschanel stars as a girl getting over a surprise breakup, and shows off her physical comedy skills.
  • Pan Am-Sundays on NBC 10/9c Period drama surrounding the world famous airline, focusing on the pilots and stewardesses of the jet-set era.
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    The Onion News Network on IFC

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    Onion News Network - Coming To IFC January 2011

    The Onion News Network is probably my favorite thing on the internet, and I couldn't be more excited that it's coming to IFC. I visited IFC (who are the home of the show I host, The Grid) the other day in New York, and everyone is over the moon about this show. As they should be. I'm looking forward to it.

    Joad Cressbeckler v. Genetically Modified Taters

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    Joad Cressbeckler Fears Genetic Modification Causes 'Wrath-Minded Taters'

    "Tater disease what brought us Irish!"

    Joad Cressbeckler isn't just a great America. He's THE GREATEST American.

    THANK GOD

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    Joad Cressbeckler: NASA Honeyfuggling America With Nonsense Space Dreams

    SOMEONE IS FINALLY GIVING IT TO US WITH NO FIMBLE-FAMBLE.

    ONN: The Cressbeckler Stance

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    Semi-Literate Former Gold Prospector Given Own Cable News Show

    "We're gonna stick it to a few whores sos'n we don't lose our minds."

    Wow, this is the greatest thing in the great history of the Onion News Network. YOWZA.

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