Judge John Hodgman Episode 200: Bigfoot II


Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse tackle the reuse of ziptop bags, sleeping in jeans, Luddites, and creative work in today's docket clearing. Plus, Judge Hodgman admits to some monstrous behavior.



Not for first time listeners

I love the running joke of explaining the show to first-time listeners in this, the most digressive and meandering episode yet (and a chambers episode at that).

Also: saying "they have beaks" as an argument that koopas are birds is ridiculous. Turtles have beaks!

A few too many?

I am a huge huge fan with nothing but the utmost respect and adoration for all involved. That said, this episode is the first time I've ever felt frustrated with the Judge. I hope I'm just imagining this, but it seemed like his honor got a bit too "loose" and possibly alienated his bailiff. When he was speaking about himself being able to spot monsters because he was a monster, Jesse seemed to be a bit put off by the tone and length of Sir Hodgman's proclamations. Then later, the Judge's open criticism of Jesse's turn at judgmanship seemed to possibly hurt the man's feelings. Even at the very end, Jesse seemed eager to close the episode, and John's response seemed befuddled and a bit incredulous.

Please someone explain to me why I am wrong and that there were no tensions. Please!

For the record, I still very much enjoyed this episode, as I do all, and that "clearing the docket" episodes are my favorite.

(Was) a Long Time Comin', But I (Knew) a Change (Was) Gon' Come

Into poetry I'll take the biggest of dives
Now that you've asked for letters about changing lives
From they who have lives that your podcast has changed...
Yes, improved! Oh, renewed!
So deftly rearranged!
Well, your Honor, you said it.
Indeed it is so.
Your voice (and your bailiff's)
Leave me all aglow.
My guffaws from the bedroom
Scare my fiancée, yes -
But he knows with no other
Fake judge will I mess.
Although I submitted a case to your show,
your lack of response did not fill me with woe,
For I live in a world where JUDGE HODGMAN'S a "thing,"
And for that, sir, your praises
are all I can sing.
Your books? I've all three!
In two formats apiece!
Played your podcast for Zooey,
my four year old niece!
My nearest and dearest
now call you the Hodge,
For they know in my heart
that your great works are lodged.
I won't ramble on...
Yes, I'll shut my pie hole.
But I do most wholeheartedly
Hope that you know
You're sure changing MY life!
One podcast at a time!
Which is what compels me
So strongly to rhyme.

If by some strange miracle

If by some strange miracle the powers that be at Judge John Hodgman wonder who wrote this, it was me...Elizabeth Scheffel, from Lansing, Michigan. (Elizabethannescheffel@hotmail.com)

Please reconsider my case, good sirs. Please. It will soon be my thirty-first birthday, after all. And my parents will enjoy saying their own favorite obscure cultural reference, "Here come da judge, here come da judge" even more than usual.

The ordering around your friends game exists

The judge should know that the Star Trek-esque game where you tell your friends what to do is a reality and well executed. Truly, the future is bright.


The game you're thinking of is called Artemis. John Hodgman has played this game in front of hundreds of nerds. But he was the one being ordered around by yet another John (not Coulton, but Roderick.)


Portland Line Myth

I have lived in Portland for ten years I have never stood in line at a bar-- just around it like how a bar is shaped. I have made eye contact and joked with other people while waiting in a bar shaped line.

PNW people love their lines

I was going to guess Seattle, the city where I live, but am not from, as the city where people line up at bars. Even though I have never actually seen a line at a bar, but there are lines everywhere here! Often places where no one in other parts of the country line up. There are also tons of rules of conduct. It took me two hours to read about what to do with my garbage, however in most situations there are no handbooks or explanations, it is just assumed that you know. And eye rolls are a-plenty if a rule is broken. I think the Judge nailed it with his assessment that conflict avoidance is major part of this. Even the bus drivers have prerecorded messages that they can play in various situations, rather than talk to people directly. I'm all for composting and making things easier for working people, but the conflict avoidance and self congratulatory airs of rule followers is hard to handle.

Bar lines

There is at least one bar in Virginia (not far from the Birchmere, where Hodgman has been known to appear if you say "Jkh Jkh Jkh" three times and book him through his agent) that I know of where standing in line is standard. It is called Galaxy Hut, and it is one of the few bars that has a silo you can drink in.

It should be noted, however, that the line is less due to a shared culture of courtesy amongst the patrons and more to do with a huge, light-up arrow instructing you to do so.

#TheDress Redress

Dear Judge Hodgeman,

While I usually have nothing but the utmost respect for your faux-legal prowess, I can't avoid expressing my disappointment at the very poorly informed remarks you recently made on the Bigfoot II podcast when discussing the white & gold vs. black & blue dress controversy. While you suggested that those who saw the dress as blue and black were in the wrong, in fact all hard evidence proves exactly the contrary. Indeed, not only has it been proven by the wearer that the original dress in question was black and blue, but the science of color perception tells us that those who saw it as white and black were suffering from a kind of drug-free visual hallucination wherein the context in which a color is perceived can cause some people to see it incorrectly.

Given these indisputable facts I ask that you correct your erroneous statements regarding this chromatic controversy, or that you recuse yourself from all future cases pertaining to disputes over color.

Yours sincerely,

Keith Harrington

I was pretty disappointed

I was pretty disappointed that the Judge was fooled by the dress and could not see through the deception to the true colors of black and blue. They just now made a white and gold version though http://hollywoodlife.com/2015/03/04/the-dress-gold-and-white-version-rom...

But yeah, the dress was black and blue.

Pajama Jeans

Re: Pajama Jeans

I was hoping someone had posted this. Still not a good idea.