Do you all remember where you were when, on your 11th birthday, you were informed of your pugilistic destiny? We remember it like it was yesterday, because we are TIME WARLOCKS.

Suggested talking points: War Chips, The Frood, Dad's Fingers, Chronomancer, Vitamin Talk, You're a Punchard 'Arry

What do you get when you take one of Hollywood's most beloved pranksters and force him to live with one of Hollywood's most phantasmal pranksters? You get the latest gem in the USA Network roster.

Suggested talking points: Back to School, Crying in Court, Jelly Justice Pt. 2, Grocery Strength, 20 Minutes of Slimer Talk

In this installment, the question isn't 'Will our heroes survive,' it's, 'What's going to kill them first?' Our money's on either the elevator shaft full of sentient vines, or the godlike criminal waiting for them at the top of said shaft. Magnus has an embarrassing pants accident. Taako runs out of juice. Merle goes walking in Memphis.

Apologies in advance: We recorded this episode in a hurry, thanks to some chaotic McElroy family travel adventures -- as a result, Travis recorded with the wrong mic. Now, as for the 10 minutes of vamping on the theme song for Wings: We have no excuse for that.

Suggested talking points: 10 Year Jump Analysis, Dweezil Zappa's Love Party, Earthquake Sex, Tectosexual, Wings, Muscle Puzzles, Ewok Butt Carriers, Kevin Sorbones, Lice Bryce

Justin's back from his beach time sabbatical -- or is he? Like, his body is here. We can see his body. But his mind? His spirit? Those are still nibblin' on that sponge cake, mon.

Suggested talking points: Island Time, Art Appreciation, Vigilanteism, Gom Jabbar, Farm Wisdom, Boy School, The Trough

Our heroes attempt to reconcile with Trent the Treant; a task made difficult by the fact that one of them just cut him in half. After that, buckle up y'all, because it's ELEVATOR TIME. YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH ELEVATORS. Merle befriends a crowbar. Taako does a rope trick. Magnus holds on for dear lives.

With the J-Man living in Island Time, we've gone back to the future - and then past again I guess? - to dig up some of our favorite goofs and pranks from the early years of our show. You better watch out, because Crocoswine's a-coming.

3:20 - Indecent Proposal
5:05 - The First Sad Lib
8:00 - PB&J
10:55 - Greed of the Magi
12:35 - Gooshing from the Johnsons
15:35 - Scrotoshop
19:43 - Everbuddies
22:40 - Firework
26:28 - Crocoswine
28:15 - Frank Lloyd Dirty Boy
43:35 - Buttery Nipples
44:50 - Mindfreak
47:30 - Giamatti Apologies
48:30 - Penis World
52:05 - Fly Me to Heaven Vid Kid
53:43 - Who Gugioned?
57:20 - Metallicas
1:01:13 - Skyrim Sex Pizza
1:02:43 - 90 Pizza Rolls
1:06:29 - Risk/Reward

So, look. Here's the thing. We prepped all our questions for this episode, but about 10 minutes in, we realized that we just weren't going to do them. So, in this bizarre installment of MBMBaM, we share advice that we wish we could have given our past selves -- important instructions like: Hey, put that bottle of frosted tip gel down. Put it in the garbage, actually.

Suggested talking points: Cold Showers, Exotic Salsas, Video Toasters, Minkus Khan, Safety Patrol, The Pub, Vintage Cocaine, Balls Out United, Peer-Reviewed Bacon, Credit Card Collapse, On Frosted Tips, The Worst Birthday Present of All Time

In this first chapter in a new Adventure Zone story, Merle, Taako and Magnus are in hot pursuit of a master criminal in the metropolitan city of Goldcliff. Can they stop The Raven before her crime spree tears the town apart? I don't know, because we haven't finished playing this part of the campaign yet. Magnus does some chopping. Taako learns to Nightcrawl. Merle has a genuinely upsetting encounter with some vines.

We started recording this episode moments after the Supreme Court's ruling on gay marriage, which made for some strangely earnest introductory banter. But don't worry: Eventually we get to talking about Pizza Hut wizards.

Suggested talking points: Travis McElroy News Minute, Domino's Collapse, Daniel Taste, 16 Stone, 'mojis, Where is Wizard Hut?